Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
