i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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