He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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