the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
