there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
