We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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