Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
