'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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