the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
