Plan B is the new Plan A
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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