Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
