He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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