Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
