Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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