what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize