Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
