you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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