dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
