Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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