I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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