I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize