we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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