I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
