I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
