I'm lost and stupid without you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
