Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
