you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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