today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
