Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
