I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
