I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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