would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
