were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
