Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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