just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
