There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
