Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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