halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
