Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
