There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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