So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
