Just mADE A PArabola og urine
bring money and cleavage
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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