her vagine was all disorganized.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
