Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
