this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
