Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
