Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
