omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize