I'm sorry my penis didn't work
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I understand Curling. That high.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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