Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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