i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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