Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
