If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
