I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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