I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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