If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize