I didn't shave. On purpose
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there's paper in my vomit.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
