Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
