I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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