im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
