Pappa wants mamma naked
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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