...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
