when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
