My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
