just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
