My first STD was from a foam party
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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