How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
