what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
