so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
