My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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